stellar.

i have always considered it a bad sign when i start noticing jobstreet and jobsdb alerts from my yahoo mail, even more when i take the time to open the mails before clicking the delete button on my mail page.

and now i am writing about it.

this is bad.

the funny thing is that i've been complaining about my job for as long as i could remember. so when luck pushed me to accept another offer from just within the company, a part of me was relieved that i did not have the chance to make any choices, otherwise, i still would have opted not to leave my then current position.

fast forward to three weeks in my new job, i am now controlling the urge to look back to where i was before, to what i was doing or not doing then, because that would just make it harder for me to accept the way things are right now. I kind of missed not waking up at 6 in the morning though. but this, i think, just take some getting used to. What i am really scared of is my own incompetence. that i might fail the expectations of the ones who got me, the ones who wooed me into joining their group because they thought i was good enough to be with the "stars of the company" - the way they call themselves, that i might disprove the way i see myself.

three weeks and already i am melting beside these so-called stars. i am scared that in a few more days or weeks i'll already lose whatever belief i have of myself, whatever image i have led others to believe of me.