euphemisms for discontent.

This is my picture of an ideal job and workplace:

1. No deadlines to meet.

2. No bosses ordering me around, no bosses calling me every few minutes to bore me with stories about the Roman Empire and Shakespeare and Yeats and Hemmingway, when we should be discussing business processes and risks instead.

3. No phone queries about procedures I basically don’t have the slightest idea about (which I normally end up responding with let-me-get-back-to-you-in-a-few-minutes then have to undergo a fifteen-minute crash course on procurement, etc. to be able to really get back to these callers – blame it in part on my paranoia with what people are saying upon putting down their phones and in part on my uncanny inclination to people-please).

4. Fast internet connection is a must. Also, social networking sites should not be blocked, for reasons I need not elaborate here because I am sure most, if not everybody, can relate to this. YM that does not get disconnected every now and then.

5. Access to a pantry that never runs out of coffee.

6. An office where I can use earplugs without my bosses complaining, because I can’t hear them calling me. Which is essentially the idea.

7. And my payroll ATM card has to always have something in it. Though this last one will largely depend on my ability to spend or not to spend. Just happens that I have a great spending talent, so there.